Today I rage.
I’ll turn 70 on my next birthday if I’m meant to see November 2020.
There’s a voice that rises up in me, more and more, shouting I don’t want to live long in this badly broken world.
I reject the idea that I can have services and access that others don’t get because of the color of their skin or the place they were born. WTF? Srsly? Who sez?
I’m programmed for rage. Eye-rolling, impatient, snap judgements. I’ve softened over time. I’m a student on a path that points toward a simpler and truer understanding of life and its doings. Living from this place has changed everything — for the better.
And sometimes the wise and wizened crone rises up in me and shouts and screams her rage at what she sees.
Listen to her and consider the direction your steps are taking.
I have moments of crystal clear rage.
I’ve watched the increase of dark imaginings manifested. From Columbine. Or was it Waco? Or Kent State? Too many too many too many.
an imagined state or society in which there is great suffering or injustice, typically one that is totalitarian or post-apocalyptic.
I can’t even remember all the names any more of these explosions of hate: an endless and accelerating expression of a short-sighted, selfish, and sick way of seeing humanity and this planet.
I wonder if this Dystopia2020 is immersion in violent video games coming to life. (I’ve wondered this for decades now.)
Something’s unleashed. Racist. Opportunist. Arrogant.
I can’t help but wonder if words I heard attributed to 45 are true: “Why don’t we just let it wash over the country?” That’s what I read he said (sorry don’t have the source) after being told that the virus will mostly take out the elderly, immune-compromised, communities of color, and underserved communities.
More and more, I wonder if this dystopia-2020 is immersion in violent video games coming to life. (I’ve wondered this for decades now.) Lately I wonder if the game’s levels are achieved when you come up with a new depraved violent answer to What can we get away with next?
I renounce the membership in this dystopia that the color of my skin affords me. I ref*ckingnounce it.
Like men of color chased and gunned down live. Ahmaud Arbery. Sean Reed.
Like men of color — on the job! — being beaten for asking people to mask up.
Like the Cheyenne River Sioux in North Dakota being sued by the white governor of the state for having checkpoints on their land. Remember f*cking smallpox? Remember whose land this f*cking is in the first place?
People with assault weapons and rocket launchers protesting quarantine orders? Opening up businesses that will be staffed by impacted populations of color that can’t afford health care?
Wake the f*ck up, people! Look where you’re headed.
I don’t want to live in the world this video game-consciousness is producing.
Tolerating, inciting, encouraging death by neglect of and direct violent acts perpetrated on populations of color.
I renounce the membership in this dystopia that the color of my skin affords me. I ref*ckingnounce it. If I survive this pandemic because I’m healthy enough, I’ll be the one screaming in the streets. Wake up. Please wake up.
Take care of yourselves enough to see yourself in the other. Take care of this planet, fools, it’s the only one we’ve got. (Space Force, ha!)
FYI I hesitated with every word in this piece. I stand for the rich experience of life in all its glory from a place of humbled recognition of our shared mad absurd existence. Shared. Not just for some of us.
I think I’m not supposed to express this. To sidestep this rage spewing because I know it’s just thought. Yes. Yes. Yes. And dead bodies are piling up. Rights are getting raped. People are being treated with arrogant contempt. And so I spew.
Enough. Basta. Dayenu.
#simplifyourlife #whileyouhaveone #simplicitea
Join me for Simplici-Tea, free, Wednesdays and Fridays. Come as you are, hopefully not as rageful as I am right now. Let’s immerse ourselves into the simple understanding of the moment, no matter what’s up for you.
Originally published on the Magnolias West blog.
I’m Sue Kearney, seasoned and sage mentor, holding a lantern at the crossroads for women in the third third of life. I’m a longtime maker and happy to share that knowledge.
In my work as a coach, I look with you at what’s stopping you, and I point you back to your innate resilient wonder-full self. I also collaborate with healers, visionaries, and changemakers to create and uplevel their brands. When your brand is a reflection of your true purpose and passion, with zero manipulative marketing techniques, your just-right clients will feel the resonance and automagically trust you enough to want to know more.