Do you collapse when life gets hard?

A cherished person in my life went from having a backache to a really bad diagnosis overnight last week.

I’ve been in a state of collapse much of the time since she told me.

Luckily overwhelm’s beginning to feel less like a permanent condition today — a relief and a necessary first step to me being less freaked out and maybe useful.

Obsessive thinking’s been on overdrive over here. Mixed with grieving and wailing.

Life does this to us in stages, it seems. It removes the veils around our permanence a little at a time. The phrase “None of us get out of here alive” lands with a much louder thud for me now.

I thought she’d be there forever. Guess I thought I would be too. If I thought of it at all.

I’m slowly coming back to my self in my own life.

(I’ve realized that thinking about her all the time isn’t gonna bring us back to pre-diagnosis.)

The phrase “None of us get out of here alive” lands with a much louder thud for me now.

The scenarios and outcomes I’m making up may look compelling, but they’re not the only scenarios and outcomes in town.

If I’m gonna make sh*t up (and that’s all we’re ever doing) then I’m free to choose — I can make up any story I like. (So there.)

When I softened enough to remember that freedom I found myself…

  • turning the music on, and moving and singing
  • buying the planter I wanted and two big bags of dirt.
  • picking up the paint, the paper, the scissors and creating something.

Life’s life-ing. It will continue to life at you as long as you breathe.

This moment you’re in is a good one. You can choose to know that. Or at least entertain the possibility. 🙃

***

I’m Sue Kearney, lifelong learner, barely tamed hippie, abstract artist, course creator, and mentor/encourager. Read more of my stories here, and please check out my website. Follow me on Insta and Facebook .

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